and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
