I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
