My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
