Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
