I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
