He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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