guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
