you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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