Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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