I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
