i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
