I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
