So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
they call him Oral-B. enough said
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
