I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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