Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
