half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
