At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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