Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
