I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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