How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
