My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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