It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
