____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
