So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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