So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
