I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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