How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
