If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
