Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
