If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
