How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
