there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
