You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
