I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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