my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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