The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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