Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
