He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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