i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
