dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
His nipple licking is glorious
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