if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
