addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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