we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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