dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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