it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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