i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
