Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
