so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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