I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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