My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
