Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
