just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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