Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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