One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
