it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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