SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
