I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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