Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
