if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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